northern disposition

Dial “T” for Twitter

“GODDAMMIT,” you shriek, pounding your fists against the keyboard. Tears of frustration begin to swell in your eyes. You begin to type again. This is the last idea you have. After this, there is nothing but despair. Clicking enter, you wait.

“The username/password combination you’ve entered is incorrect.”

Unless you drunkenly changed your password again (you’re prone to such shenanigans, which is why your MySpace will forever be a monument to your fifteen year-old self), you’ve been hacked.

You quickly run through your mental list of haters while pulling up your public twitter profile. You can’t think of a single hater motivated and/or clever enough to pull off a stunt like this.

You let out a low groan as you scroll down your timeline. Someone has been using your account to retweet inane weed jokes and to participate in the lowest-common-denominator trending topics. “Reaaal funny,” you sneer. You’re gonna lose some major followers for this bullshit. You shoot off an email to twitter support when you’re struck by an idea.

“Maybe I can backtrace the hater’s location,” you mumble. You are becoming excited. You love playing internet detective. Locations are enabled on your tweets. Hopefully the hater forgot to turn them off.

You cheer. Locations are still enabled. You now have a once in a lifetime opportunity: to humiliate the sad neckbeard that commandeered your twitter IRL. Face to face.

You start looking at the locations for the most recent tweets. They’re all coming from the same place.

The hater is inside your house.

(To Be Continued)